To Neha…….!!!!!

She lives in two worlds - real and virtual. She says I am not real to her and she’s not real for me. She is in love, but with someone who’s also not real. She’s Neha. Not ‘Neha Cherian’ of “Five Point Someone.” She’s my Neha.

It started about a year ago, when I was sitting in an internet café after bunking my college and testing my ‘fate’ in ‘Yahoo Messenger Chat Rooms’. I am a bit ashamed to say that during those days I was just like those desperate boys who madly search for girls on ‘Yahoo’ for an erotic chat.

And I got her.

In the starting, she was just like any other girl for me on yahoo. In the first two months, we talked to each other for 10-15 times. Most of the time she used to talk about her so called ‘online boyfriend’. And that was the thing that irritated me the most. I always used to tell her to avoid her boyfriend’s discussion, but she had only one answer:

While I was busy in seeking some ‘social security’ on internet. As my school life had ended, I was alone, with no friends or better to say ‘girl-friends’ at all. I didn’t like my college. So basically I was behaving like a ‘desperate looser boy’ for sure. And therefore, one day she said:

I got shocked as I read it. It was the first time some girl had ever rejected me like that. We didn’t talk after that for a month till I got an internet connection at my home. But somehow in this one month, her statement made me think a lot. And may be this was the time my psychology and attitude towards life started to change.

Of course, Neha was responsible for this change.

As I’d got internet at my home, so we started to chat a more often. We used to meet almost daily and gradually she had become an indispensable part of my life. Basically, Neha was a very nice girl. I realized she’s just like me – sentimental, funny but still ‘alone’.

She loved to talk in short-forms:

Gradually, I began to like her. I must tell you, she was a full 4 years elder than me. I am not saying that I was in love with her, but my feelings were somehow closer to it. Yes, I know I was acting a bit weirdly, but I can’t help. I’ve started to live in a ‘virtual world’. May be this was the reason, I always used to ask about her boyfriend. Finally, realizing my intentions, she asked me:

One day she told me that she and her boyfriend had a ‘break-up’. I felt very bad. I thought how can someone ditch such an innoncent and caring girl like Neha.

She was very sad that day and may be she was crying too. Then she told me that I am her ‘best friend’:

I was very delighted.

Things were good for me now. Now she didn’t use to mention about her boyfriend. And therefore, I was feeling more comfortable talking to her.

But one day, she told me that they had a patch-up:

She was very happy and it was depicted by the way she was chatting. After their patch-up, things were changed. I realised she has started to avoid me or ignoring me. I felt very bad. I controlled myself for a few days but finally I fought with her:

But afterwards, I realized I was wrong. I regretted in front of her and things were back to normal again.

I was addicted to Neha. I used to wait for her daily. But I had a burden of my IIT-JEE studies. So for the sake of my career, I took a harsh decision. I decided that I won’t go online for the next few months.

AFTER ONE MONTH:

I missed her a lot in this one month and finally couldn’t resist going online again. I was very happy getting her again. And we again started to talk like best friends.

I told her that its my dream to study in Delhi IIT. And on the contrary she told me that she hates living in Delhi:

Meanwhile, she and her boyfriend again had a row. She told me that she had finally decided that she won’t be talking to him again ever in her life. I felt sorry for her and obviously felt good for myself. Yes, I was a bit selfish. Or may be I there was other possible reason for that.

As far as I had apprehended about her boyfriend, he was not a nice boy. He used to ignore ‘Neha’ for other girls. May be because Neha was not a ‘hot-chatter’ or he had got bored of her. Moreover, he was a loser also. Otherwise, who the hell goes Indore to study engineering in a below-average private college after leaving soo many good ones in his own city.

But I never revealed my emotions to Neha. I thought she won’t like hearing it at least from my side.

Days passed and my IIT-JEE exam got over. Now, I was completely free to chat to her as much as I could do.

Again, I got a hint that she had started to avoid me. Either she was too busy or I was too much ‘free’ for her. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t stand it, and this time I had a big-fight with her:

But due to God’s grace and an excellent counseling from one of my friend, everything became normal after a few days. And guess what, they are normal till today.

Recently, she has told me that she again had a patch-up with her boy-friend. I don’t know why people manage to fight and patch-up more than one time. But certainly, it was none of my business. Neverthless, it was a news of relief for me. I am happy as long as she is also happy:

Sometimes a few questions dwell my mind. What does a ‘net-friendship’ means? What is the future of our friendship. Is it going to be a longlife one?? Or she will avoid me after getting married?? Or we will fight for the third time and this time there will be no patch-up???

What if she stops coming online?

Then she’s gone for me, forever. There is no other means of contact. I didn’t ever ask her for her phone number/address. Or may be I am afraid that she wouldn’t give it to me.

In any case, I like her this way only. I always want her to come on ‘Yahoo’ everyday and talk to me like she always does.

May be she will think that I am writing all this because she once had told me to do so:

But she’s doesn’t know that she’s worth it. She has affected every sphere of my life. Brought me back to ‘normal’ from a ‘despo’ one. She sometimes asks me to pray for her, but she doesn’t know that I pray for her daily. I wish she remains as happy as she was on the day of her patch-up with her boyfriend.

Last time when we talked, I just disclosed some of my emotions to her:

So finally, I wish that one day I’ll visit Delhi and meet her in Pizza Hut (she is mad about Pizzas). May the day comes before she gets married.

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PS – Ohh, sorry for getting so personal and emotional. I just got carried away.

PS — Waiting for the next match of ‘Mumbai Indians’. I wish Sachin plays.

PS – Its already 2 am and I’ve started to feel hungry again.

PS - 6 hours already passed in drafting this post. Firstly, had to read all the previous chat history of one year.

PS - Then ‘print-screened’ it. Edited them to hide Neha’s email id. Ohh god, it sucked.

PS - Then wrote the text. While I was inserting the pics, firefox got hanged. Crap Crap Crap.>!!!!

PS - Anyway, finally its completed with God’s grace and a lot of hardwork from my side.

PS – Got to go to Indore this weekend. Hoping for a good time.

PS – Song of the Day ~ Wake me up when September Ends – Green Day

PS – I still can’t decide I should give the link of this blog to Neha or not.

PS – Electric start of my Activa has stopped working. Got to go to the mechanic tomorrow for a possible repair.

PS – Waiting for Parth to return from Delhi soon.